Thursday, June 14, 2012

Apparently Numbers are My Life!

17 and 20. Those are the numbers. So is 12! The first two don’t need explaining—those are the days til we fly to Spain, and then board the ship.
But 12, now that’s a very exciting number. 12 is the number of pounds I’ve lost since I began the 17 (another number!) Day Diet.

I began the 17-Day Diet 24 days ago. I couldn’t imagine going on the trip of a lifetime as a fat-fatty--which I had become. I tried to suck in my stomach, tried walking taller with my shoulders back, chin up, but there was no getting around it. I was a fat-fatty.

And hello, I’m going to be on a cruise ship with fabulous food, visiting an area of the world known for their fabulous food! If I’m a fat-fatty upon arrival, what the heck will I be at disembarkation? (Is that even a word??)

When my parents went on their first cruise they ate every time food was put out. Heck, they went to bed to rest up before they got up for the midnight buffet and continued to party. It was like “Day, Part II.” That cruise made absolutely no money off of Ralph Rogers, let me tell you! When he came home and weighed himself, he had gained 17 pounds!

So back to me, there is no way that I can gain 17 pounds on top of what I already weigh.

I thought about Jenny Craig and she’s so dang pricey, and I’m a kinda cheap. I thought about Weight Watchers, but I’ve done it a hundred times, and it’s too slow. Then I noticed Maria, a teacher at school who has struggled with her weight after children (me too…22 years later…what!!). Anyway Maria was looking fabulous, and she told me what to do, and by gawd, I was ready to do it!

The diet isn’t bad. I never feel hungry—not that I ever felt hungry, because I never let myself get hungry! But I did get a tad bored with chicken—lots of chicken. But I tried new things like tilapia-yummo, an interesting version of eggplant parmesan- Andy’s new fave. Also I’ve been drinking a delicious beverage called Talking Rain which is a 0 calorie sparkling flavored water—and I pretend there’s vodka in it, and I don’t feel deprived.
And lo and behold, I’ve lost 12 pounds. And that’s not even the exciting part!

I have been making small purchases here and there as I saw cute shorts and pretty tops to take with me on the trip for a couple of months now. But the itinerary explicitly says on the 11-day cruise there will be 2 formal dinners—and I’m required to wear a cocktail dress. COCKTAIL DRESS? Oh dear.

So yesterday I was feeling brave. I thought things (by things I mean clothes) had been feeling better on me, perhaps even looser. So while Amanda was visiting and able to hitch me into things, I thought I’d try on some clothes to see what all I needed to buy!

The first dress I tried on was my favorite Tony Awards dress—haven’t been able to zip that in 3 years. When I say LIKE A GLOVE I don’t mean like OJ Simpson’s glove, I mean no struggle! Zip!

I then tried the 2 cute dresses I bought 2 months ago that were a tad too tight—they flew over my head! There was no stretching, pulling, or sucking in of the gut! This seemed impossible to me.

What I did then was unthinkable. I reached waaay back into the inner sanctum of my closet, and found a dress that I loved, yet hadn’t worn for 5 (yes, 5!) years. My LBD that was a tad swishy with a smidge of sparkle. I thought is it possible this thing can fit over my enormous boobs and fat ass? This is how I talk to myself.

I lifted the dress over my head and it slowly slithered, no perhaps more of a spill, dare I say sensuously glided …no, that’s gross. I’m just saying the freaking thing fit! And looks good! And it’s going on the trip!

After an hour of trying stuff on I found 10 new (old) outfits, 7 of which are dresses that I will be taking on the trip with me. I figure I saved myself a boatload (pun intended!) of money. At least $350!

So those are the numbers: 18, 20, 12, 17, 24, 22, 10, 350.

Now all I need are bras and bathing suits. Oh dear gawd.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A Novel Idea

I have no idea if I will do this very much, or very often, or ever again. We'll see how the first one goes. But I was thinking how I'd like to share the excitement of my upcoming trip with my friends and family, but not on Facebook. So I thought I'd try a blog.

Andy blogs, Kelly blogs, what the heck, I'll give it a whirl. But I will only blog nice things, not mean things. I'll be honest and not hurtful. I won't be that blogging teacher. (Was that mean?)

So my trip. I'm on a count down right now. 18 days until we leave for Barcelona! 21 days until embarkation (a word I never thought I'd use) aboard the Serenade of the Seas for a spectacular trip in the Mediterranean, stopping in Cannes (Monte Carlo), France; Livorno (Florence/Pisa), Italy; Civitavecchia (Rome), Italy; Naples (Salerno), Italy; Venice, Italy; Koper, Slovenia; Split, Croatia; and back to Barcelona, Spain.

With regard to leaving this country I have only been to the Caribbean--St. Maartin, Barbados, and Bahamas. Andy has only been to Costa Rica, Puerto Rico,  and Canada. I have been to Canada too, but it was so long ago, I don't think it counts. I was 7 at Expo '67 in Montreal. I remember nothing except being extremely hot, wanting a drink, and my mother saying, "Swallow your spit." HAHA! I've also been to Campobello Island--FDR's summer retreat--is that Canada? I think so. 

Anyhoo, this trip. Sooo excited, a little afraid of the long over-the-ocean-flight, and wondering/hoping/praying that the captain of the boat doesn't get drunk and tank it in the drink! Andy updates me frequently of the catastrophes in Italy of late. "Venice had 2 earthquakes, 20 are dead." "Venice is in the midst of a tornado." Fun guy, that Andy.

I'm focused on Italy, because it is at the top of my Bucket List. I often thought that maybe in another life I was Italian. I adore their food, love their accent, imagine the scenery (from movies, paintings, books) to be exquisite--or shall I say squisito! 

But I'm also excited for Barcelona! I've been perfecting my Cath-teel-yun acc-thent! I can't wait to try real paella! And see the Gaudi architecture! And cruise Las Ramblas with all the shops! There's a famous cathedral that has taken 100 years to build-still in progress of being built, I should say.  Can't wait to see that! 

Cannes/Monte Carlo, home of the rich and famous, the renown film festival, naked sunbathing, Princess Grace! Dear gawd, I'm crazy just thinking about it!

Trust me when I say I realize how lucky I am to be taking this trip. 

It all began when my former grade level partner, who is now my future grade level partner (confusing, I know) and dear friend Lisa said to me last May, "Would you consider going on a cruise with us to the Mediterranean?" 


That was the just the beginning!